Wednesday, July 23, 2008

PTSD As Trauma Disorder NOT Psychiatric Illness

Last week we began talking about 'how' women can level the playing field in court with a pathological. This could be related to a divorce, seperation, restraining order, or child custody. If you have PTSD, the courts are mandated to offer you special accommodations while in court to protect you and to help your level of functioning due to the PTSD.

As we mentioned, in order to do that you must legitimately have PTSD, be diagnosed and have an Accommodations Report prepared by a professional that is presented to The ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). From there, special accommodations are granted. The range and what the accommodations are were listed in last weeks newsletter.

Some people hesitate in getting diagnosed with PTSD because they are afraid of it's implication to them, their functioning level, or related to a mental illness diagnosis.

First of all, PTSD is a trauma disorder. If you are diagnosed with it, it already implies you have been traumatized. You are going to court regarding your traumatized relationship so it fits and it supports your argument in court as well as the symptoms that have arisen because of this relationship. If he was traumatic to be with, we need to say so.

If we want the court to understand pathology, we need to teach them through our own experiences and relationships especially if we want the court to change.

Secondly, PTSD does not necessarily have the type of stigma you fear. Our vets that come home from war often, and more often than not, have PTSD. Fighting for our country is honorable -- they were doing a good thing and yet were damaged from their experience. The same is true for you.

One of our presidential candidates has PTSD. We may very well elect someone with ongoing PTSD into the White House.

Firefighters and law enforcement who bravely saved many in 911 have PTSD. Missionarys helping the poor in other countries have PTSD. Social Workers working in dangerous situations have PTSD.

I have PTSD. I have lived for 25 years with it. I openly discuss having the disorder -- through no fault of my own. I got PTSD from seeing my father's murder scene. I have worked with others that have PTSD now for 20 years. And because I am a survivor, I live with the effects of chronic PTSD daily. I know how it has changed me, my life, my abilities, my health and my endurance. I have seen it in hundreds of others, how it has effected their lives -- sometimes long term.

If you have it, say it. Nothing starts healing until we acknowledge it. It is what it is. Some worry that they will be labeled with mental illness if the court acknowledges their PTSD.

Well, let's think about that... do you think a pathological is going to go into court and NOT say you are crazy? You don't think he will argue every point of your illness, behavior, or symptoms (whether they are true or not) in order to win? You don't think he's GOING to use some kind of emotional disorder argument? OF COURSE HE IS -- that's what pathologicals DO!! So, in order to prevent being labeled something far worse than PTSD, if you have PTSD, let IT be the label instead of something else that can greatly impair your ability to get rehabilitative alimony, custody of your children, etc.

Having a PTSD diagnosis before court can greatly help HOW FAR the pathological can go in trying to make you look mentally ill. PTSD is NOT mental illness. Having a PTSD diagnosis may help prevent them from labeling you mentally ill with other more debilitating types of mental illness.

So don't shun the PTSD diagnosis if you have it. It may prevent you from being labeled something far worse.

Here is a chart from Bully Online that differientiates between PTSD and mental illness in case you were wondering what the differences are...
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Differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury

The person who is being bullied will eventually say something like "I think I'm being paranoid..."; however they are correctly identifying hypervigilance, a symptom of PTSD, but using the popular but misunderstood word paranoia.
The differences between hypervigilance and paranoia make a good starting point for identifying the differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury.


Paranoia
  • paranoia tends to endure and to not get better of its own accord

  • the paranoiac will not admit to feeling paranoid, as they cannot see their paranoia

  • sometimes responds to drug treatment

  • the paranoiac often has delusions of grandeur; the delusional aspects of paranoia feature in other forms of paranoia is a form of mental illness; the cause is thought to be internal, eg - a minor variation in the balance of brain chemistry

  • mental illness, such as schizophrenia

  • the paranoiac is convinced of their self-importance

  • paranoia is often seen in conjunction with other symptoms of mental illness, but not in conjunction with symptoms of PTSD

  • the paranoiac is convinced of their plausibility

  • the paranoiac feels persecuted by a person or persons unknown (eg "they're out to get me")
  • sense of persecution

  • the sense of persecution felt by the paranoiac is a delusion, for usually no-one is out to get them

  • the paranoiac is on constant alert because they know someone is out to get them

  • the paranoiac is certain of their belief and their behaviour and expects others to share that certainty
vs.

Hypervigilance


  • is a response to an external event (violence, accident, disaster, violation, intrusion, bullying, etc) and therefore an injury

  • wears off (gets better), albeit slowly, when the person is out of and away from the situation which was the cause

  • the hypervigilant person is acutely aware of their hypervigilance, and will easily articulate their fear, albeit using the incorrect but popularised word "paranoia"

  • drugs are not viewed favourably by hypervigilant people, except in extreme circumstances, and then only briefly; often drugs have no effect, or can make things worse, sometimes interfering with the body's own healing process

  • the hypervigilant person often has a diminished sense of self-worth, sometimes dramatically so

  • the hypervigilant person is often convinced of their worthlessness and will often deny their value to others

  • hypervigilance is seen in conjunction with other symptoms of PTSD, but not in conjunction with symptoms of mental illness

  • the hypervigilant person is aware of how implausible their experience sounds and often doesn't want to believe it themselves (disbelief and denial)

  • the hypervigilant person is hypersensitized but is often aware of the inappropriateness of their heightened sensitivity, and can identify the person responsible for their psychiatric injury

  • heightened sense of vulnerability to victimisation

  • the hypervigilant person's sense of threat is well-founded, the hypervigilant person often cannot (and refuses to) see that the pathological is doing everything possible to get rid of them

  • the hypervigilant person is on alert in case there is danger

  • the hypervigilant person cannot bring themselves to believe that the pathological bully cannot and will not see the effect their behaviour is having; they cling naively to the mistaken belief that the pathological will recognise their wrongdoing and apologise

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Other differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury include:


Mental illness

  • the cause often cannot be identified

  • the person may be incoherent or what they say doesn't make sense

  • the person may appear to be obsessed

  • the person is oblivious to their behaviour and the effect it has on others

  • the depression is a clinical or endogenous depression

  • there may be a history of depression in the family

  • the person has usually exhibited mental health problems before

  • may respond inappropriately to the needs and concerns of others

  • displays a certitude about themselves, their circumstances and their actions

  • may suffer a persecution complex

  • suicidal thoughts are the result of despair, dejection and hopelessness

  • exhibits despair

  • often doesn't look forward to each new day

  • is often ready to give in or admit defeat
vs.

Psychiatric injury

  • the cause is easily identifiable and verifiable, but denied by those who are accountable

  • the person is often articulate but prevented from articulation by being traumatized

  • the person is obsessive, especially in relation to identifying the cause of their injury and both dealing with the cause and effecting their recovery

  • the person is in a state of acute self-awareness and aware of their state, but often unable to explain it

  • the depression is reactive; the chemistry is different to endogenous depression

  • there is very often no history of depression in the individual or their family

  • often there is no history of mental health problems

  • responds empathically to the needs and concerns of others, despite their own injury

  • is often highly sceptical about their condition and circumstances and is in a state of disbelief and bewilderment which they will easily and often articulate ("I can't believe this is happening to me" and "Why me?" - click here for the answer)

  • may experience an unusually heightened sense of vulnerability to possible victimization (ie hypervigilance)

  • suicidal thoughts are often a logical and carefully thought-out solution or conclusion

  • is driven by the anger of injustice

  • looks forward to each new day as an opportunity to fight for justice

  • refuses to be beaten, refuses to give up
Common features of Complex PTSD: People suffering Complex PTSD report consistent symptoms which further help to characterize psychiatric injury and differentiate it from mental illness. These include:

  • Fatigue with symptoms of or similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (formerly ME)

  • An anger of injustice stimulated to an excessive degree (sometimes but improperly attracting the words "manic" instead of motivated, "obsessive" instead of focused, and "angry" instead of "passionate", especially from those with something to fear)

  • An overwhelming desire for acknowledgement, understanding, recognition and validation of their experience

  • A simultaneous and paradoxical unwillingness to talk about the abuse (click here to see why) or here (click here to see why)

  • A lack of desire for revenge, but a strong motivation for justice

  • A tendency to oscillate between conciliation (forgiveness) and anger (revenge) with objectivity being the main casualty

  • Extreme fragility, where formerly the person was of a strong, stable character

  • Numbness, both physical (toes, fingertips, and lips) and emotional (inability to feel love and joy)

  • Clumsiness

  • Forgetfulness

  • Hyper-awareness and an acute sense of time passing, seasons changing, and distances traveled

  • An enhanced environmental awareness, often on a planetary scale

  • An appreciation of the need to adopt a healthier diet, possibly reducing or eliminating meat - especially red meat

  • Willingness to try complementary medicine and alternative, holistic therapies, etc

  • A constant feeling that one has to justify everything one says and does

  • A constant need to prove oneself, even when surrounded by good, positive people

  • An unusually strong sense of vulnerability, victimization or possible victimization, often wrongly diagnosed as "persecution"

  • Occasional violent intrusive visualizations

  • Feelings of worthlessness, rejection, a sense of being unwanted, unlikeable and unlovable

  • A feeling of being small, insignificant, and invisible

  • An overwhelming sense of betrayal, and a consequent inability and unwillingness to trust anyone, even those close to you

  • In contrast to the chronic fatigue symptoms, depression etc., occasional false dawns with sudden bursts of energy accompanied by a feeling of "I'm better!", only to be followed by a full resurgence of symptoms a day or two later

  • Excessive guilt - when the cause of PTSD is bullying, the guilt expresses itself in forms distinct from "survivor guilt"; it comes out as:

  1. an initial reluctance to take action against the pathological and report him/her knowing that he/she could lose his/her job or otherwise have consequences

  2. later, this reluctance gives way to a strong urge to take action against the pathological so that others, especially successors in the relationship, don't have to suffer a similar fate

  3. reluctance to feel happiness and joy because one's sense of other people's suffering throughout the world is heightened

  4. a proneness to identifying with other people's suffering

  5. a heightened sense of unworthiness, undeservingness and non-entitlement (some might call this shame)

  6. a heightened sense of indebtedness, beholdenness and undue obligation

  7. a reluctance to earn or accept money because one's sense of poverty and injustice throughout the world is heightened

  8. an unwillingness to take ill-health retirement because the person doesn't want to believe they are sufficiently unwell to merit it

  9. an unwillingness to draw sickness, incapacity or unemployment benefit to which the person is entitled

  10. a desire to help others, often overwhelming and bordering on obsession, and to be available for others at any time regardless of the cost to oneself

  11. an unusually high inclination to feel sorry for other people who are under stress or are pathological,

Fatigue

The fatigue is understandable when you realize that in pathology, the target's fight or flight mechanism eventually becomes activated. The fight or flight mechanism is designed to be operational only briefly and intermittently; in the heightened state of alert, the body consumes abnormally high levels of energy. If this state becomes semi-permanent, the body's physical, mental and emotional batteries are drained dry. Whilst the weekend theoretically is a time for the batteries to recharge, this doesn't happen, because:


  • the person is by now obsessed with the situation (or rather, resolving the situation), cannot switch off, may be unable to sleep, and probably has nightmares, flashbacks and replays;

  • sleep is non-restorative and unrefreshing - one goes to sleep tired and wakes up tired

  • this type of experience plays havoc with the immune system; when the fight or flight system is eventually switched off, the immune system is impaired such that the person is open to viruses which they would under normal circumstances fight off; the person then spends each weekend with a cold, cough, flu, glandular fever, laryngitis, ear infection etc so the body's batteries never have an opportunity to recharge.

When activated, the body's fight or flight response results in the digestive, immune and reproductive systems being placed on standby. It's no coincidence that people experiencing constant abuse, harassment report malfunctions related to these systems (loss of appetite, constant infections, flatulence, irritable bowel syndrome, loss of libido, impotence, etc). The body becomes awash with cortisol which in high prolonged doses is toxic to brain cells. Cortisol kills off neuroreceptors in the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked with learning and memory. The hippocampus is also the control centre for the fight or flight response, thus the ability to control the fight or flight mechanism itself becomes impaired. Most survivors of bullying experience symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - click here for details.
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Next week, we will look at the medical conditions often associated with PTSD that your attorney can argue in your case.


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"How Can I Help the Institute?"


Every week we have people emailing asking how they can be part of The Institute.
There are big and small things that people can do to get involved.

Small things include:

  • Write a review on Amazon for the books and products


  • Become a Media Volunteer in your area (more info in the newsletter about this current need)


  • Develop your own website about pathology


  • Donate a book or our audios or dvds to your library or domestic violence shelter

Bigger things include:
  • Become involved in Legal Advocacy in your area


  • Be a public speaker using our power points about pathology and give lectures or workshops


  • Start a Dangerous Man Support Group
'Each one, teach one' and the world will understand pathology.

But do you know... when I check back almost NONE of the people who have contacted us to do something have done ANYTHING at all! I hear "I am so passionate about pathology now that I understand it" and when I recontact them because they haven't followed through... that passion has gone... where??

Pathology is increasing! Those of us who are psychopathologists are CONCERNED about how much MORE prevalent pathology is now than even a decade ago. I fear if we don't do 'Each one, Teach One' that our children and grandchildren will be CHALLENGED to find a healthy partner out in the stream of pathology.

Really, the effort to reach out is a small investment in the mental health of this planet. Below in the newsletter are some ways you can become involved. The Institute is planning our FIRST conference for everyone in 2009! Come be part....


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Become a Volunteer Active in Helping Other Women in Court

We are strongly moving in the direction of legal advocacy because pathological parents who get custody produce more pathology in the next generation and this MUST stop. We need volunteers in every community who are interested in helping regarding the following:

** Please if you are an attorney, offer to read over our Accommodations Report and give us some input!! If you are willing to become involved in ADA Accommdations, let us know so we can put your name on our Legal Referral List we are developing!

** If you had a GREAT attorney, please send us their name and phone number for our list.

** If you have had a GREAT Court Evaluator for your children regarding custody, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you have had a GREAT court psychologist, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you have had a GREAT family court judge, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in helping women in family court find out about how to use the PTSD/ ADA Accommodations, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in sitting with women in family court so they are not alone, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in setting up a court website in your area about family court violations and using PTSD/ADA Accommdations, please contact us.

** If you are a Grant Writer and would be willing to write a grant for us regarding Legal Advocacy Funding, please contact us.

** If you have been a court advocate and would like to help us develop a Court Coaching Program, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer Court Watch Observer about which judges are consistently making bad calls in family court, please contact us.

** If you are a licensed mental health professional with training in PTSD and would like to write PTSD Accommodations Reports please contact us.

** If you are a licensed Ph.D. or an M.D. and would like to write one page diagnostic letters following interviews in person or by webcam, please contact us.
If we are going to impact the legal system, we need people to jump on board with this. There is NO WAY for us to do this alone. I simply don't have time but the need is huge and we can at least begin this process of balancing the scales in this way. PLEASE be pro active and not a victim to this sytem. Get involved!
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THE INSTITUTE 2009 CONFERENCE



Have you wanted to get involved in some 'issue' surrounding pathology? Are you healed enough that your passion is burning and you are ready to make a difference? There are many ways and levels you can get involved in the field of pathology education even without a degree. We need grassroots workers at all levels. Some of you have gone on to make a career in this as well! That's awesome!!

Our FIRST EVER conference is being planned in 2009--here's some ideas we got going:


  • Therapists: Get The Institute's training on pathology so you can offer it in your practice


  • Legal Advocacy: How to get started bringing attention in your area to the family court system who keeps handing over custody to pathological parents


  • How to Start a Dangerous Man Program in your area: Whether you want to do public speaking as education, run a Dangerous Man support group, start a program for teens, or go into churches, or go all out and start a Non Profit Center -- we can help you see how to build a program in your area


  • Build a Career in Pathology: Those with credentials, come find out how others have built a pretty good professional career!


  • Web Education: Learn how to do internet marketing with pathology to educate others -- you can even use it to build an income if you're good at using the internet.


  • Brain Storming: Help us grow The Institute with the types of products and services needed to help the culture understand psychopathology!! Be part of the solution by bringing your imagination and vision to this issue of pathology.


  • Support Services: Come get an emotional tune up at some of the workshops we will be offering!


Interested in attending? Send us your name and email address and we'll put you on the list for updates as the planning gets started.
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Removing Victimhood


Over the past few years we have taken HUGE steps to help you overcome victimhood. Our legal advocacy is one more way we are reaching out to remove the stigma of what holds you down.

In addition, we now have Self Help DVD's -- if you can't afford ongoing counseling, here's an affordable alternative to staying depressed and having aftermath symptoms.

If you have intrusive thoughts and obsessions, we created a low cost alternative to constant hypnosis and EMDR fees by developing a hypnosis CD!

We have 7 hours of CDs that can really help you understand pathology for less than ONE counseling session fee.

Our telephone counselors are much cheaper -- only a FRACTION of what in-person counselors charge.

Our 1:1 sessions are an unbelievable value compared to inpatient treatment.

And at the very least, our books are insight-packed totally affordable alternatives for anyone who needs help now.

We have expanded our products in every direction trying to provide affordable-to-most help for women.

I do get a little frustrated when women write about staying 'stuck in their victmization' simply because they aren't taking the next proactive step of doing SOMETHING with ANYTHING we offer -- there just isn't a reason any more to be stuck.

I get realllyyyy looonggg emails from women about how they can't recover, etc. and when I ask if they have read a book, listened to a CD, called a phone counselor, watched a DVD the answer is always NO. There's no magic here ladies -- recovery IS WORK.

The depression doesn't go away by itself, nor does the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts, the obsessional thinking, the hopelessness. You have to DO something in order to GET something different going on in your recovery.

I know... I know.... I'm mean. One client years ago made a sign that they stuck on my counseling door that said "Sandy's Butt Kick Boot Camp." But you know what, I had more people recovering than most counselors because I just don't take the excuses for 'why' people don't get well. I overcame the blood of my father's murder... I know that people can overcome PTSD and get a better life. Will YOU, is the question??

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PRE-ORDERS FOR THE DVDs!!


I filmed 3 different DVD's and let me tell you what they are so you can see which ones can help you the most!

DVD 1: Recogninzing Destruction and Pathological Relationships (2-2.5 hours long).


This is the CORE training on pathology so anyone who needs to understand what psychopathology is and how it has effected someone else needs to watch this DVD. This is the core information I teach every single time that I speak.

Also, the 2nd half goes into the 'pathological types' so that you can see if his symptoms match up to the more well-known pathological personality types. It lists signs and symptoms of the different types.

This is the foundational teaching so everyone should have this one. Also, this is the foundational teaching I do for community workshops so if you want to show this DVD you could in your own community, school, women's agency, or Dangerous Man support group. I suspect this will be BOTH a core foundational training DVD for everyone on pathology AND a community workshop DVD for agencies.

DVD2: Healing the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships: Help for Wounded Women.


This is info that came RIGHT from the retreats and what I spoke and taught about there. No need to attend a retreat or 1:1 with this info!! You can do it yourself for most of it!

PLUS PLUS PLUS I added some great self help exercises right in there for intrusive thoughts, obsessions, cognitive dissonance/conflict with how you see him, mindfulness skills for battling cognitive problems, and MORE! (Couple this with the new Hypnosis CD for a blast through recovery!!)

This picks UP where DVD 1 stops and now moves INTO the pathological relationship dynamics, the women's Super Traits and how it contributed to her tolerance of and attraction to pathological men, AND lots of healing information regarding working with your own emotional, physical and spiritual recovery -- exercises and steps to use every step of the way. Lots of great info on managing your PTSD symptoms and other stress reactions. CHOCKED FULL of info--I had to talk really fast to get it all in!! 2.5 hours (I
believe...)

DVD3: TREATING the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships: What Every Counselor Needs To Know About Pathology and It's Effects on Relational Health (Almost 3 hours long)


This picks up also where DVD 2 left off and moves INTO the treatment issues associated with what YOU need in order to heal. Buy it for your COUNSELOR for God sakes!! If they don't get it after watching DVD 2 and DVD 3, you need to change counselors!! This is an indepth teaching for mental health professionals on the structural deficits of personality disorders, how it effects life time development and what that looks like in the essence of relationships. There is specific treatment issues, recovery focuses, and references to
other materials of our that will help them establish a firm and comprehensive treatment approach.


This DVD should be accompanied with DVD 2 for the most comprehensive training. Actually, the BEST approach for a therapist would be all 3 DVD's--and we'll make it reasonable so that they WANT to do it!

Ok, so that's the deal.

The DVD's now have to go to the duplication company so I am taking Pre Orders on them now. Once they return and 'officially' get put on the shopping cart (they aren't on there yet), they will go to their normal price of $69.95 each. Right now, to the Dangerous Liaisons mailing list, they are $55 each OR all 3 of them for $150. Let's look at how you can use these:

DVD 1: you can use watch and digest everything there is to know about pathology. Then why not donate this DVD to a women's organization that can show it over and over again? If you are going into coaching, keep it -- you'll need it. Or if you are running a Dangerous Man Support group, use it there!

DVD 2: this is your own personal SELF HELP DVD that will help you focus on your own recovery. If you don't have a therapist, this will guide you thru the process. If you DO, you watch then they should watch it too. And surely you have other girlfriends who need to see it also!

DVD 3: this is for any professional that you wish would 'GET IT' about the issues of narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths. Heck, give it to your attorney so THEY GET it about the permanance of pathology. If you're a coach, this might be a little technical but not that bad that you won't get A LOT of info out of how to work with others from this DVD. Give it to a social work that is deciding vistation in your case!

Packaged together -- this is almsot a whole college course on pathology!! This about 7-8 HOURS worth of training. I just talked 'til I told you everything I could think of!! LOL~

So, again $55 each OR $150 for all 3. When they come back they will be $69.95 or all 3 for $200. So get the discount while you can.

To order these at the special price (they aren't on the shopping cart), follow these instructions:

http://www.paypal.com/
> Click Send Money
> Type in the amount of $$ you are sending
> Type in our email addy: sandrabrownma@yahoo.com
> Comment Section write either DVD1, DVD2, DVD3 or ALL DVDS and put your shipping address in there!


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SELLING OUR DVD's


Do you have a website and would like to be an affiliate sales person for our DVD's and Hypnosis CD and receive income for your sales?

We are establishing an affiliate sales program that will keep track of your sales and automatically pay you on anything that is sold of ours from your site. It's that simple! Then we ship it and you touch absolutely nothing except the cash!!

IF you are interested in getting the word out about pathology, do consider how our products can 'monetize' your site! This includes all 3 dvds, our hypnosis CD, our customized CD's and coming soon some other Ebook products. Just email us and we'll get info to you about the affiliate program.

THANKS for passing it forward!

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NEW HYPNOSIS CD


Stop the intrusive thoughts and obsessions. I'm really happy with how the hypnosis CD turned out. In fact, I can't even listen to it without going under!! I just can't!!

It's now on the shopping cart. Here's a few tips: For the best outcomes:

Use it several times a week, nightly is preferred. Go to sleep with it!! DONT use it in the car while you are driving or at work!!

For a 'whopping' $40, you can have a hypnosis session every single night! 'Wash that man right out of your hair!!''


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CUSTOMIZED HYPNOSIS CD

For those who feel like they need a little more tweaked session, order our custom made hypnosis CD which includes your personal information like HIS NAME, your specific symptoms (checked off from a check list we email you), and any of your specific and personal triggers. It's now on the shopping cart.


I can only do these in the month of August and can only do 'x' amount because of the length of time it takes to do them. Get one while I can do it


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HELP US CURB OUR TIME CRUNCH


We receive EASILY 100 emails a day. PLEASE when you contact us:

Be specific about what you are asking so we don't have to return an email to get information. MOST information is on our website, in our weekly newsletter and/or on our blog but people just email us for information they could easily find for themselves. THANK YOU for taking a moment to search before emailing.

If you are requesting a 1:1 please check the calendar on the website yourself and NOT ask us what dates are available since they are listed on there. Then contact us when you are READY to book it. We will email you a registration form -- fill it out, send your payment and your airline itinerary. No need to email us multiple times telling us flights you are going to check, are checking, etc. JUST SEND US what you finally book. Airport information is in your 1:1 guideline packet. Please don't email us about where to fly in etc. -- your options are listed in your guideline packet.

Also, we keep getting people who call the office to tell someone their Dangerous Man story by phone. If you would like to submit your story for the website or future books, do so at http://www.blogger.com/howtospot@yahoo.com or if you want counseling regarding your story contact one of our phone counselors.


We are facing critical mass here and may have to cut back on what we provide because of
the sheer volume of emails and contacts we get. Thank you for helping us streamline the process and saving our brain cells!

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DANGEROUS MAN WORKSHOP CRUISE


I think there is close to 15 of us cruising with the other coaches to Cozumel Mexico from Tampa, FL!! I think we can still get rooms if anyone just HAS to go! I think it will be fabulous!!


Join us for a relaxing way for dealing with a stressful issue!! Oct 30-Nov 3, 2008

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OUR NEW THEME SONG


Go to our website http://www.saferelationships.com/ and underneath the "Eye" logo is a click on button for our new theme song.


I'm an ol' rocker so it's one of those voices from the 70's -- Joe Cocker. And the song is 'Just Pass It On.' Hope you enjoy it!

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Just Where Are WE?


So far our books, products and services are in the:

U.S., Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Korea, India, Budapest, Thailand, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, Mexico, France, Spain, Costa Rica...

If you have some of our products and live else where! Let us know... we're tracking how far our reach is!


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LOOKING FOR A MEDIA VOLUNTEER


We are looking for a volunteer that will watch American's Most Wanted every week to get names of women we can send our psychopaths books too. We would also like the Media Volunteer to scour the online news to find other women who could use our books that we will send to them for free. This is part of our Public Psychopathy Outreach. Last week, we mailed books to Christie Brinkley.


Contact us if this is the job for you! You must be CONSISTENT!


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America's Most Wanted


Ever watch that show? I watch it all the time because I never know when you will tell me about your Dangerous Man that you kicked to the curb a long time ago and his face will actually be on American's Most Wanted. Do the rest of the female population a favor and watch it every Saturday night.


It's a humanitarian act to be on the look out for predators we can turn in.

Most women never think their guy would be on AMW even though he was terribly pathological. Some don't think he would ever be in international data bases like Womansavers or other similar websites. Look him up and stay on the look out for who and what he's doing. These guys don't change their colors -- they just find new victims. Be vigilant and help AMW if you ever see someone you know.



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Private Retreat 1:1 in NC with Sandy


So, groups of women in retreats except for professional therapists. HOWEVER, I am still offering Healing the Aftermath on a 1:1 basis. We have just finished up a beautiful one bedroom cabin with a MILLION DOLLAR view of the Blue Ridge Mountains for you to stay in. You can see the pics on our site http://www.saferelationships.com/ and click on 1:1s to see the cabin and our St. Francis Meditation Garden.

SORRY -- JULY is completely sold old! And so is two weeks in August, two weeks in October and one week in November due to the Cruise and traveling time are already gone and the entire month of December is closed.

So what we have is a total of about 9 weeks of openings -- and that's IT.

Private Retreat 1:1s means you are the only person here and we work solely on your case, symptoms, and situation. There is a combination of 3 hours of therapy a day AND plenty of rest and relaxation time.

Join us for sunset every night as we face Southwest and have fabulous sunsets. Hike the trails around the cabin, enjoy the national forest here, etc. Price is $195 per day for accommodations, airport pick up/drop off, and 3 hours of counseling per day. Email us and request an application. The therapy program is designed for a minimum of a 4 day stay to get thru the material and more if you want more intensive work.

** Due to Sandy's PTSD/Adrenal Fatigue, she is looking at having others run the treatment segment in 2009. **

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WHY RETREATS DECREASE THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TAKES TO HEAL

A 4 day treatment cycle is the equivalent of 3-4 months worth of counseling! This is based on if you were to do the normal types of outpatient counseling where you live which is one hour a week. It could take you 3 or 4 months to learn and process what you can do here in a short amount of time... and that's IF you could find a therapist trained in this.

Lastly, I have stopped doing phone counseling because of my writing/ researching/ and work schedule.

But there are so many women who need help! Using the private retreat cycles is a great way to get help FAST and get functioning FAST. It's also cheaper in the long run than weekly therapy.

Do consider how our private treatment cycles can help you regain everything he has taken -- alot sooner!!


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WE HAVE NEW THERAPISTS AVAILABLE AND ON OUR SITE!

We have just added more therapists available for phone counseling, consults, in person counseling and workshops on our site! Welcome Aboard:

- Sallie from Houston, TX (our little Dynamo I have been talking about!!)

- Beth from Charlotte, NC (who may join us on our Cruise--come meet her!!)

- and Lorrie, from South Florida/Miami!!


If you were on a waiting list for phone counseling, jump in and get yourself a counselor.

Remember, pay them directly. Do not go thru our paypal system.

Utilize these bright and talented counselors!

One of our counselors Carol just wrote me to tell me her Dangerous Man Support group is doing GREAT! They have pizza or Subway sandwiches and then jump right into the material. She said it's been a great way to bridge people into the program! THANKS for a great idea Carol.

** All counselors charge for their services.


--------------------------------------

Laurie Crosbie, our THERAPIST IN THE U.K.!


U.K. Ladies! We now have a counselor/coach in the U.K!

Laurie Crosbie is up and running and ready to work with the ladies in the U.K. She is located there as well and is offering phone and Instant Messaging coaching!


Contact her directly at: empower_yourself@live.co.uk

-------------------------------------------

WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS BOOK

Here's what some have said about the book:

Debbie said " Received your book Monday and read it in one night! It completely hits my one-year- relationship-in-hell on the head! Two years out I'm still processing, but after your book, there's nothing that can explain it more clearly!"

Sue, a therapist, said "Well your new book is amazing! I think you know that. It left me raw. Which is not a bad thing at all. Yes I had several "light bulbs." Again, I wish I had it 20 years ago. THANKS so much to you and Liane for this ground breaking work that will help so many. I have made it a required reading for my interns. My daughter and I are discussing it and she is going to read it. It's wonderful to have your work to share with her a give her the tools she needs at a younger age. I am very grateful."

Rebecca said "WOW, wow and wow! Your description of the women fit me like a glove!"

** Please, if you have finished your book, email us with your thoughts. We would love your feedback. **

If you want to understand some of these 'super-traits' you have and what they have been doing in your relationships, check out the book.


If you can't afford it have your library order a copy (please!!


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Help Us Out With the Psychopaths Book!

People are always asking me... 'What can I do to help The Institute?' Well, here it is! This is the kind of stuff that is really helpful to us!!

Here's what we need. We need people to contact their libraries and ask them to order a copy. Libraries are great resources for women in need and the Dangerous Man book was picked up by thousands of libraries simply because a few people started requesting it. So do request it at your local library. It just might save someone else's life!

We also need people to request the book through Barnes & Noble. You don't have to buy it. They will order it if you request it and reshelve it if you don't pick it up. In order for us to be 'allowed in' to Barnes and Noble, we have to create demand.

There was enough demand at Amazon to be picked up! Thanks to all of you who ordered through them. If you are done reading the book no matter where you bought it from, would you mind going to Amazon and writing a review about the book. Email me and let me know you did it and I"ll send you a free copy of our ebook 'Signs of a Bad Dating Choice' just for doing that for us!

** AMAZON UPDATE: The second month out Amazon doubled their order from us! THANKS for all you do to help us with things like this! Please write a review!!

And it looks like there was some request through Target as the book is now listed on their site!

** Update, we had a good month at Amazon. Our sales each month continue to rise!! THANKS!


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Write-2-Heal

**I really want to encourage you to contact Karen and get involved with this writing program. I can't tell you how healing it is to write about your experience even if you do nothing else but get it on paper. But you never know! It might motivate you to get it published or teach other women to use therapeutic writing to heal from.

We have a new writing program that will help you tell your story! Write it because it helps you heal, write it to help others, write to publish, write just for yourself... but WRITE IT!

Contact Karen at: kjnclan@hotmail.com

-----------------------------------------

On the Shopping Cart!

The Crash Course Box is most of our books, our CD Collection and now our new powerpoints! It's a great tool for women's organizations, agencies, people who plan on coaching others, and therapist's. It quickly gives you everything you need to launch a Dangerous Relationship Program in your area!

It's marked at a very affordable price because our goal is to get MANY people involved in public psychopathy education and we want to give you the TOOLS to do it.

Drop by the book store at http://www.saferelationships.com/Books.html and click on Print Books to take a look at what's in the Crash Course Box -- a great mixture of print books, ebooks, CD's and powerpoints!

(P.S. We just added the Women Who Love Psychopaths to the Crash Course Box!! An even better value now!)

---------------------------

ALSO on the Shopping Cart!


Our new powerpoints! Here's the deal... I made two powerpoints for YOUR use! They are both 2.5 hours long and include everything I use when I do a workshop! You have MY material for YOUR use! What can you do with these?


  • Use them to give lectures and presentations in your community. Use them for Public Psychopathy Education.

  • Use them to give workshops in your community for schools, colleges, women's organizations, rape and domestic violence programs, for Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October).

  • Use them in Dangerous Relationship Support Group. Break up the content and use it weekly during group.

  • Use it if you teach at a high school or college. Great psycho-educational material!

The powerpoints are 2.5 hours long and full of great thought provoking graphics and photos that drive home the point of pathological relationships. Order the Dangerous Man books to sell at the workshops, get the books at a discount and mark them up and have your own resource table at your lectures or community presentations! We have a general community powerpoint great for lectures to the community, colleges, or women's organizations.

We ALSO have a Christian version which is the general community powerpoint PLUS a whole segment on what Scripture says about pathology, abuse, marriage, and leaving abusive relationships.

Great for women's ministries, youth ministry, women's bible studies, or even Pastoral trainings for clergy.

Each 2.5 hour powerpoint is self contained as a workshop or lecture. Each follows the Dangerous Relationship concepts making the book and workbook sales easy for you. The general community powerpoint also includes some of the information about women's traits that is listed in the new book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths.' The powerpoints make is easy for you to be a voice in your community about pathology.


Each 2.5 hour powerpoint is between 115-124 slides long!

Easy to use and easy to follow. $65.00 each OR $100 for both.

Now on the shopping carts!


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Don't Just SIT There, Get Well!


I don't know what else we can do to get you UP and healing! We have created every kind of program known to man to help you get the help you need in the way you want to receive it. Now come on!


  • No counselors in your area? Ok. Use ours with phone counseling.


  • Don't like one-on-one counseling. Sure we understand. We offer tele-conferencing groups.


  • OOhhh... you don't like PHONE counseling period? Sure. We have small groups in many locations across the U.S. OR you can start one! The best way to get what you need is to DO IT yourself by starting a Dangerous Man Group in your community.

  • Rather get it 'all done' at once? No problem. We offer retreats every single month from April until November.

  • Can't afford to travel? Use our books, e-books, and CD collection which covers everything Sandy has ever discussed.

  • You'd rather meet Sandy in person? OK. Book a 1:1 with her in N.C. and work intensely for a couple of days.

  • Not sure ANY of this applies to you and you'd just like to learn more? Go to one of our workshops.

~ We help you get unstuck!~
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How to Find Help in Your Own Area

Find a counselor that is trained in one of the following (these are all terms that related to similar disorders):


* Abnormal Psychology
* Axis II Disorders
* Personality Disorders
* Psychopathology
* Forensic Psychology

Call and ask -- that's the only are that's the only way to find someone. These are the people most likely to understand the symptoms of the pathological men you have been with.

If you don't have insurance or the ability to pay then you are limited to community mental health services, churches, or therapists willing to take a sliding scale fee -- some will -- ask around!

Also you can consider your local women's organizations or domestic violence programs.


-----------------------

Video on Psychopaths At Large
49 mins-- Very informative

http://www.stumbleupon.com/demo/?review=1#url=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-823054058647438214


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Court Watch Program

Want to find out how to hold judges accountable for decisions that benefit
pathologicals?
http://www.factscourtwatch.org/
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"I believe that what it is I have been called to do will make itself known when I have made myself ready." (J. Phillips)
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SUPPORTIVE INTERVENTION SERVICES


For those moving to the next level of acceptance and reality...

**Book, e-books, and audio products on psychopathology and relationships
** Self Help DVD's for Women in Pathological Relationships
** Training DVD for Therapists
** Public Psychopathy DVD for Community Presentations
** Power point Presentations
** Personalized one-on-one phone counseling
** Tele-conferencing Support Groups
** In person Support Groups in various cities across the U.S.
** Conferences & Workshops on Pathological Love Relationships
** Intensive One-on-One Counseling in NC with Sandy
** Consultations with other therapists

We've eliminated the reason to stay stuck...


-----------------------------------------

WHERE TO FIND STUFF:


Click on these links for information.
Please DON'T write us for information that is in the newsletters or on the websites.

To purchase Books, Products, E-books, Audios/CD's:
http://www.saferelationships.com/Books.html

To purchase One-On-One's with Sandy in NC:
http://www.saferelationships.com/treatment_center.htm

To book Phone Counseling With OTHER Counselors
(Sandy is not taking phone clients right now)
http://www.saferelationships.com/therapistrefer.htm

To fill out the Women Who Love Psychopaths Research Survey:
http://www.womenwholovepsychopaths.com/survey.htm

To order the Women Who Love Psychopaths new book or buy it in e-book format:
http://www.saferelationships.com/Books.html

To read past issues of the newsletters:
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/

To get another newsletter resent to you:
WE DON'T OFFER THIS -- adjust your spam settings

To get information on how to start a Dangerous Man group, download it here:
www.saferelationships.com/resources

To get an application for The Path to Recovery, download it here:
http://www.saferelationships.com/resources



THE INSTITUTE'S ONLINE SUPPORT FORUM
We have our own online support forum! Drop by at:
http://howtospotadangerousman.com/public_html/index.php



------------------------------------







Want to see the kinds of things that are discussed in the
Women Who Love Psychopaths Book?

Read our Introduction for free -- right here! CLICK BELOW!

http://saferelationships.com/INTRODUCTION.htm

ORDER NOW!
www.saferelationships.com/Books.html




"Woman Who Love Psychopaths" is one of the most validating and vital books on the nature of pathological relationships in years. It's a MUST READ for every woman in any sort of relationship or looking for one! And pass it on to your friends & daughters! It may save a life!

Based on solid research, it vividly illustrates how all your good qualities can and WILL be used against you by pathologicals. One particular chapter, 'Trance, Hypnosis & Women's Suggestability' should be required reading for every woman breathing!

It's shockingly insightful and stunning in its validation of what women in these types of relationships go through... as well as explaining why you can't and don't "just get over it." Run ladies, don't walk - and get this book for yourself and every woman you care about. - Barbara, Manager - Sanctuary for the Abused.




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RESEARCH

The Dangerous Relationship Institute is a research-based program. Our current research project headed up by Dr. Leedom is 'Women Who Love Psychopaths.' This is the first of it's kind research project to study the women who have been in relationships with psychopaths. This informational survey will help lead the way in prevention and intervention with at-risk women. The results so far have been FASCINATING. We have extended the survey deadline so if you want to be involved take the survey here:

http://www.womenwholovepsychopaths.com/survey.htm

2008 we will be researching what treatment approaches are effective with women who have loved psychopaths.


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EDUCATIONAL WORKSHOPS & CONFERENCES


HEALING THE AFTERMATH OF WOMEN'S
PATHOLOGICAL LOVE RELATIONSHIPS CONFERENCE:



2.5 day conference available. Ask us how!


DANGEROUS MAN WORKSHOPS: 2.5 HOUR workshop available. Ask us how!

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PRINTED AND CYBER SPACE EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL


FREE E-BOOKLET: Our most recent educational material is 'How to Spot a Dangerous Shooter' written just after the V-Tech Shootings. Since our organization is a 'public psychopathy educational ' project' we strive to give free educational materials on the issue of dangerous symptoms.


Here is the free download link, please copy this link and email it to your address book. We WANT this report to be handed out freely:
http://www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com/dangerousshooter.htm

------------------------------
THE INSTITUTE'S BLOG


Check out (and send your friends to) our blog! In fact, every week's newsletter is now put on the blog so you can read everything in one location.
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/

If you are looking for previous newsletter topics, go by the blog. We are loading it up with all of our previous newsletters (topic info only). THANKS!
---------------------------------

FINALLY -- OUR CD COLLECTION

You've asked for our audio series to be offered on physical CD's not just mp3's. OK... so we did it! We ve taken all 14 of our audios which represent 7 and half HOURS of discussion on the issue of pathology, dangerousness, signs and symptoms and your own recovery and put it on 7 CD's!

This multi-CD set is, of course, reasonably priced at $49.95! 5 CD's cover 7 1/2 HOURS of education and training. And we'll pay the postage!

  • Give it to a girlfriend that needs to 'get it' about the relationship she's in.

  • Use it in your own dangerous man support groups.

  • Give it as a B'day or Holiday gift

After all, it IS the gift of life!

---------------------------
CHECKLIST:



The more I do research on women in pathological love relationships the more they tell me what SETS THEM OFF or RELAPSES them -- one of the big triggers is LONELINESS!


So many women have no idea how to manage their own sense of loneliness in their lives and it becomes a stumbling block back INTO the pathological relationship.

Ladies: Recovery comes to those who work a recovery program! TODAY take the first step and do something that moves you forward to the life you want to have. Let us know if we can help you with that first step!

A leading issue in mental health in general is the ability to be calmly by yourself and geniunely enjoy your own presence. Being alone is NOT the same thing as being lonely.

Only you can create your life in such a way as to make fulfilling and head off your own loneliness. But you do have to PLAN your life and PLAN what to do ahead of time for loneliness. Of the hundreds of women we have helped, almost all of them have cited loneliness, boredom, or not having a life as a reason they went back OR started yet another unhealthy relationship. One of the first steps of recovery is to develop a full life for yourself. Nothing happens until that occurs.

Have a plan what to do if you get lonely so you don't do the disasterous "Drink & Dial!" Or you don't do the 'Daydream & Dial.' HE'S NOT DIFFERENT! Nothing has changed!

Learn to build a great life and avoid the risk factor of loneliness.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ladies: Recovery comes to those who WORK a recovery program!

TODAY take the first step and do
something that moves you forward to the life you want to have. Let us know if we can help you with that first step!

"Above all things, be the heroine of your life and not the victim." -- Nora Ephron.


Sandy Brown, MA
Psychotherapist & Author
http://www.saferelationships.com/
http://www.womenwholovepsychopaths.com/
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com


Thursday, July 17, 2008

Helping Women Find Effective Strategies For Court

Leaving a pathological is never easy--they aren't wired that way to allow easy separation and disengagement. What they value most is drama, trauma, and the perpetuation of misery at any cost. High on their entertainment list is any legal activity especially divorces, separations and custody battles. Since pathologicals have high boredom rates + high entertainment drives + high excitement seeking + low impulse control this all equals = Great Legal Combativeness Coupled With Great Enjoyment of The Process.

Pathologicals are highly litigeous meaning they LOVE to sue, go to court, be dramatic in court, be heard in court and love anything associated with being the victim in a legal process. Therefore, they are different than normal people in that they will keep this process going forever. They will even spend more money than they will ever recover JUST to be in court, JUST to be heard and JUST so you won't win. There is no rationality when it comes to 'why' they find court so enthralling.

But the bottom line for you is that court is often traumatizing. Facing him brings flashbacks, panic attacks, night mares and anxiety. The faces he makes, his posturing, his stares often leave women highly ineffective on the witness stand or they can't think in the court room in order to give her attorney correct input.

Some women are followed by him after court in which he stalks her in his car, calls her cell phone and belittles her about the proceedings. Taunting before court begins and for days after can bring women's functioning level to an all time low.

She misses work, loses pay and has to pay and repay court fees as he switches dates around just to make a show of power.

Women who already have PTSD, other chronic stress conditions or resulting autoimmune disorders like Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome or Lupus can end up bed-bound from the stress of court and him. Since pathologicals love your debilitation, they are likely to stretch out the process, ask for more depositions, postpone, add more appearances needed, etc. -- anything to create more stress and havoc for you. Women will often do ANYTHING to avoid this kind of
exposure to further abuse.

Since the pathological is rarely acknowledged for what he is, the court is likely to not identify his manipulative behaviors and so his requests are granted and you are tormented with more and more unproductive court appearances as he acts like the perpetual victim.

Women can 'get' PTSD-like symptoms just from how she is treated in court or depositons.

The 'criminal court' is known for it's favoring of criminals so anyone who is not criminal often finds the process abusive and traumatizing. Women often give away their rights, property, and money to just avoid him and court all together. She and her children are then exposed to poverty, low job employment and a reduced quality of life ALL because she wants to avoid being traumatized by him and an unbalanced court system.

I have said for many years that the universe is strangely tilted to the benefit of the pathological. They get away with more dirty deeds especially in court than any normal person would ever get away with. For this reason, women come to know that their chances in court with a pathological who is so dramatic, convincing, and unnerved by the process is NIL.

Women have had very ineffective means for balancing the scales of Her -VS- The Psychopath in family court. That's because few women know about one VERY effective strategy that helps her regain her court composure -- using a PTSD diagnosis to receive special accommodations during court proceedings.

As we have constantly mentioned, many of the women who come through our program have PTSD that was acquired during the pathological relationship OR was made worse by the relationship. PTSD is a trauma disorder meaning you were 'traumatized' in some way which is how you acquired it.

PTSD symptoms can last for short or long periods of time and are almost always increased by stress -- such as stress in court or stress by his behavior while in court. These types of reoccuring symptoms can negatively effect your effectiveness in court and can require 'special accommodations' for you to be able to function for the court. Some of these special accommodations have included having the woman speak over a speaker phone in another room so she doesn't have to face him. Or having him not in the court room, having him detained so she can leave early from court, or call in to the court room from home so not to have to attend, or if she has to attend she can have a disability advocate present with her. Sometimes she is granted that he is never allowed to speak directly to her or when she is walking past him. All of these special accommodations can greatly ease the stress normally associated with court but not granted unless a special ADA accomodation is granted.

It also makes accommodations for your emotional triggering caused by discussing the situation, memory recall problems you may have, or concentration problems. It may allow for flexibility with deadlines because of amnesic symptoms or reoccuring trauma when having to testify in front of him. It may offer emergency hearings to enforce court orders or may offer rehabilitative alimony for treatment of PTSD for you or your children,

PTSD is the disorder most associated with pathological love relationships. A diagnosis of this can help women aquire accommodations that are associated with the ADA -- The Americans with Disabilities Act. You don't have to be 'disabled' in order to use the ADA Accommodations offered. You simply have to have a diagnosis that requires special accommodations in order for you to function. (Next week we will discuss the difference between a mental illness versus an emotional trauma-based disorder such as PTSD, in case you are worried you will be labeled mentally ill -- you won't!)

The Institute will soon be offering some assistance in this regard -- the ability to write your PTSD Accommodations Request Report for the court and a doctor who can evaluate you via webcam and provide additional written support for your diagnosis (if applicable). In the future (but not available right now) we will have licensed professionals who can testify about PTSD in your case.

THIS IS A HUGE break through for women, because once your have received ADA Accommodations the judges and attorneys MUST adhere to protocols developed for ADA which are federally-based and help accommodate your needs in order to function in court. Protocols not followed are prosecutable making the courts highly attentive to meeting federal protocols. This could also apply to your children if they have PTSD -- and could helpfully impact how they have to be treated in court and how their needs must be met.


Before we get a FLOOD of letters about this, here is what you need to know:



  • You must legitimately have PTSD. If you have already been diagnosed with PTSD, you have jumped one hurdle already.

  • If you need to be diagnosed, you must be evaluated by a licensed professional -- such as a mental health professional or a psychiatrist. If you would like to be evaluated by one of ours, you can contact us. (**All of our providers are in private practice which means they charge for their services. We are NOT a non-profit.)

  • Once you are diagnosed, one of our professionals can draft your PTSD Accommodations Report.

This is a time consuming and lengthy report of approximately 10-15 pages. This is a highly specialized report so it is unlikely that your doctor etc. can construct this as it has to address specific things in order to meet the criteria for ADA. (**The professionals, of course, charge for this report. However, we believe that what the report renders to you is highly worth the investment. )



  • This is NOT the same thing as being declared 'disabled' and has nothing to do with physical or mental disability or acquiring disability payments.

  • PTSD, if diagosed does become part of one's medical and/or psychological record.

We believe that these Accomodation Reports are the beginning of leveling the playing field when it comes to being in court with pathologicals. We also believe that children who are diagnosed with PTSD and who have acquired it from the pathological, may have a far more argueable case about custody when courts try to mandate visitation with the very one who caused PTSD.

Since we expect a lot of requests for these services, when you email us, please put in the memo line: Accommodation Report so we can forward it to the therapists who will be handling this.



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Become a Volunteer Active in Helping Other Women in Court



We are strongly moving in the direction of legal advocacy because pathological parents who get custody produce more pathology in the next generation and this MUST stop. We need volunteers in every community who are interested in helping regarding the following:

** Please if you are an attorney, offer to read over our Accommodations Report and give us some input!! If you are willing to become involved in ADA Accommdations, let us know
so we can put your name on our Legal Referral List we are developing.

** If you had a GREAT attorney, please send us their name and phone number for our list.

** If you have had a GREAT Court Evaluator for your children regarding custody, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you have had a GREAT court psychologist, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you have had a GREAT family court judge, please send us their name and phone number.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in helping women in family court find out about how to use the PTSD/ADA Accommodations, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in sitting with women in family court so they are not alone, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer involved in setting up a court website in your area about family court violations and using PTSD/ADA Accommdations, please contact us.

** If you are a Grant Writer and would be willing to write a grant for us regarding Legal Advocacy Funding, please contact us.

** If you have been a court advocate and would like to help us develop a Court Coaching Program, please contact us.

** If you would like to be a volunteer Court Watch Observer about which judges are consistently making bad calls in family court, please contact us.

** If you are a licensed mental health professional with training in PTSD and would like to write PTSD Accommodations Reports please contact us.

** If you are a licensed Ph.D. or an M.D. and would like to write one page diagnostic letters following interviews in person or by webcam, please contact us.

If we are going to impact the legal system, we need people to jump on board with this. There is NO WAY for us to do this alone. I simply don't have time but the need is huge and we can at least begin this process of balancing the scales in this way. PLEASE be pro active and not a victim to this sytem. Get involved!



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Removing Victimhood



Over the past few years we have taken HUGE steps to help you overcome victimhood. Our legal advocacy is one more way we are reaching out to remove the stigma of what holds you down.

In addition, we now have Self Help DVD's -- if you can't afford ongoing counseling, here's an affordable alternative to staying depressed and having aftermath symptoms.

If you have intrusive thoughts and obsessions, we created a low cost alternative to constant hypnosis and EMDR fees by developing a hypnosis CD!

We have 7 hours of CDs that can really help you understand pathology for less than ONE counseling session fee.

Our telephone counselors are much cheaper -- only a FRACTION of what in-person counselors charge.

Our 1:1 sessions are an unbelievable value compared to inpatient treatment.

And at the very least, our books are insight-packed totally affordable alternatives for anyone who needs help now.

We have expanded our products in every direction trying to provide affordable-to-most help for women.

I do get a little frustrated when women write about staying 'stuck in their victmization' simply because they aren't taking the next proactive step of doing SOMETHING with ANYTHING we offer -- there just isn't a reason any more to be stuck.

I get realllyyyy looonggg emails from women about how they can't recover, etc. and when I ask if they have read a book, listened to a CD, called a phone counselor, watched a DVD the answer is always NO. There's no magic here ladies -- recovery IS WORK.

The depression doesn't go away by itself, nor does the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts, the obsessional thinking, the hopelessness. You have to DO something in order to GET something different going on in your recovery.

I know... I know.... I'm mean. One client years ago made a sign that they stuck on my counseling door that said "Sandy's Butt Kick Boot Camp." But you know what, I had more people recovering than most counselors because I just don't take the excuses for 'why' people don't get well. I overcame the blood of my father's murder... I know that people can overcome PTSD and get a better life. Will YOU, is the question??



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PRE-ORDERS FOR THE DVDs!!



I filmed 3 different DVD's and let me tell you what they are so you can see which ones can help you the most!

DVD 1: Recogninzing Destruction and Pathological Relationships (2-2.5 hours long).


This is the CORE training on pathology so anyone who needs to understand what psychopathology is and how it has effected someone else needs to watch this DVD. This is the core information I teach every single time that I speak.

Also, the 2nd half goes into the 'pathological types' so that you can see if his symptoms match up to the more well-known pathological personality types. It lists signs and symptoms of the different types.

This it the foundational teaching so everyone should have this one. Also, this is the foundational teaching I do for community workshops so if you want to show this DVD you could in your own community, school, women's agency, or Dangerous Man support group. I suspect this will be BOTH a core foundational training DVD for everyone on pathology AND a community workshop DVD for agencies

DVD2: Healing the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships: Help for Wounded Women.


This is info that came RIGHT from the retreats and what I spoke and taught About there. No need to attend a retreat or 1:1 with this info!! You can do it yourself for most of it!
PLUS PLUS PLUS I added some great self help exercises right in there for intrusive thoughts, obsessions, cognitive dissonance/conflict with how you see him, mindfulness skills for battling cognitive problems, and MORE! (Couple this with the new Hypnosis CD for a blast through recovery!!)

This picks UP where DVD 1 stops and now moves INTO the pathological relationship dynamics, the women's Super Traits and how it contributed to her tolerance of and attraction to pathological men, AND lots of healing information regarding working with your own emotional, physical and spiritual recovery -- exercises and steps to use every step of the way. Lots of great info on managing your PTSD symptoms and other stress reactions. CHOCKED FULL of info--I had to talk really fast to get it all in!! 2.5 hours (I
believe...)

DVD3: TREATING the Aftermath of Pathological Love Relationships: What Every Counselor Needs To Know About Pathology and It's Effects on Relational Health (Almost 3 hours long)


This picks up also where DVD 2 left off and moves INTO the treatment issues associated with what YOU need in order to heal. Buy it for your COUNSELOR for God sakes!! If they don't get it after watching DVD 2 and DVD 3, you need to change counselors!! This is an in-depth teaching for mental health professionals on the structural deficits of personality disorders, how it effects life time development and what that looks like in the essence of relationships. There is specific treatment issues, recovery focuses, and references to
other materials of our that will help them establish a firm and comprehensive treatment approach.


This DVD should be accompanied with DVD 2 for the most comprehensive training. Actually, the BEST approach for a therapist would be all 3 DVD's -- and we'll make it reasonable so that they WANT to do it!

Ok, so that's the deal.

The DVD's now have to go to the duplication company so I am taking Pre Orders on them now. Once they return and 'officially' get put on the shopping cart (they aren't on there yet), they will go to their normal price of $69.95 each. Right now, to the Dangerous Liaisons mailing list, they are $55 each OR all 3 of them for $150. Let's look at how you can use these:

DVD 1: you can use watch and digest everything there is to know about pathology. Then why not donate this DVD to a women's organization that can show it over and over again? If you are going into coaching, keep it -- you'll need it. Or if you are running a Dangerous Man Support group, use it there!

DVD 2: this is your own personal SELF HELP DVD that will help you focus on your own recovery. If you don't have a therapist, this will guide you thru the process. If you DO, you watch then they should watch it too. And surely you have other girlfriends who need to see it also!

DVD 3: this is for any professional that you wish would 'GET IT' about the issues of narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths. Heck, give it to your attorney so THEY GET it about the permanance of pathology. If you're a coach, this might be a little technical but not tha